Counselor moment
Those of you who know me, know that by day I am a Drug and Alcohol counselor. I have dedicated my life to helping individuals to identify, understand and overcome their addictions, and helping other people figure themselves out really brings me so much joy. Boudoir does the same for me. Being about to help women to see themselves in a different way, connect with their bodies and embrace themselves through this unique photography experience is everything. However, similar to therapy, it can take a lot for someone to embrace the experience. I hear it all the time, “let me lose a little weight first,” “maybe a few years ago I would’ve done it,” or I definitely do not have the body or confidence for that.” At the end of the day, these are all valid feelings, they come from somewhere. However, just like with therapy, it is an opportunity. To be kind to yourself, entrust someone else to know how to make you fall in love with your body, or at least appreciate it a little more through a different lens.
There’s a concept I talk about with my therapy clients and it’s the inner critic. We truly are our own worst critic, and unfortunately that’s a voice we can’t avoid. However, we can learn to be kinder to ourselves.
Step 1: Being aware of your thoughts
It's important to be able to acknowledge and be aware of when your inner critic presents itself. Being aware of the things you tell yourself, how they make you feeling, how often you think these things. Most importantly, would you say the same things to someone you love? Odds are you wouldn't. If someone you love doesn't deserve to have these things told to them, why do you? I always say knowledge is power, who we build this awareness we can start to identify patterns.
Step 2: Putting a stop to these thoughts
Redirecting and reframing our thoughts becomes absolutely critical in these moments. Utilizing mindfulness techniques such as meditation, self care (reading, music, exercise, etc) and overall self-compassion to relax the mind. With time and practice you may notice that the thoughts become less frequent, and a little easier to manage. To not ruminate in them for as long, and ultimately not keep you from doing things you really want to do.
Step 3: Changing the narrative
Replacing these negative thoughts with positive ones is essential to growth. While it isn't always easy to do, it does get easier over time. It's okay to notice critical thoughts we have about things we do or aspects of our selves we don't love, when it gets unhealthy is when it changes how we feel about ourselves. Whether it be positive affirmations, or writing things out, reflecting and challenging these thoughts rationally and thoughtfully can help to tart believing it. A thought challenging technique I like to practice with my clients is putting together statements following the structure "I may be ______________, but I am also _____________." The first blank being something negative that maybe you don't like about yourself, the second being something positive that you do like about yourself. Generally, I find majority of people are quickly able to identify something negative about themselves. Challenging that and identifying something positive for everything negative can be a stepping stone in changing the narrative of that inner critic.
Step 4: Practice, practice, practice
Just like with anything, practice makes perfect. But perfect is subjective and we should be aiming for progress, not perfection. Strengthening the relationship we have with ourselves is so crucial to our happiness throughout our lifetime. It is the one relationship we have for life and cannot escape. Habits are hard to break, but not impossible and integrating these practices into our daily life can help greatly. Some things that may make it easier is to utilize sticky notes with positive affirmations on your bathroom mirror or refrigerator, celebrate the small wins, journal progress, spend time with people who inspire you and celebrate you as well, or even starting therapy. Be kind to yourself.
How this relates to Boudoir
I find that I battle frequently with people's inner critic. Is the most often cited reasons for people not following through with booking. Whether it be not feeling physically ready or emotionally ready. Reservations relating to insecurities, that while can be valid, also discourage growth. When I see women come out of their comfort zone and take a chance on themselves, it is such an emotional experience. I've had clients start crying mid-photoshoot as they start to see their photos and it reminds me why I do what I do. Both as a counselor, and a photographer, helping people reconnect with themselves and their bodies to live a more authentic and fulfilling life. It would be easy to write it off as sexy or hot photos. But it truly is so much more.
*Adapted from Betterhelp.com
